I'm sick again. This time with some viral infection that could be the flu. With my neck pain and strong headaches I try not to let myself start becoming convinced that its viral meningitis. Now I have way too much anxiety about all the things I wanted to do to finish off this semester and now can't. This isn't going to be one of my triumphant finishes that I typically pull off. No, this is going to be a slow and anxious filled, embarrassed finish in which I desperately just try to do what I can and get by. Not the type of finish I should have for my last semester in Blacksburg, not by a long shot. Sigh. I keep trying to turn it around, I keep trying to change my mood and think the next day will be better, but it usually isn't. I still fail at some priority or another. Yesterday was one of my better days, I went to all my classes, and hung out with all my friends, even studied for my quiz today and went to bed early. And still, when 6 am rolled around, then 10 am came around, I couldn't get myself out of bed. I felt too ill to go to hospice, or to class to take my italian quiz (that I studied for!). I'm behind on my AMSA work and I can't remember the last time I was in lab. I feel horrible about all of it and at this point I don't know how to stop making myself feel horrible, as if having the flu is not a good enough reason to miss work. Because I don't think people get a leeway, not really. Not for being sick for an entire month, no matter how true it might be.

I'm just exhausted physically, and even more tired of feeling guilty for feeling sick.